Home
About The Club
History
Staff
The Team
Results

 

 

 

 

 

 

Subscribe to the Grass Monkeys Newsletter

just email grassmonkeys@hotmail.com with the topic subscribe

 Welcome to the Grass Monkeys official website!

I finally decided to update the site again. It's about time, it hasn't been done for six months. Anyway there will be a piss up on 27th September at 25 Third Ave. Henty. All are welcome to come along and get shit faced! For Information about the party email grassmonkeys@hotmail.com

NEWS IN BRIEF

Joel Klemke transfer talks confirmend by Grass Monkeys President Josh KleineShane White delisted by the Grass MonkeysRain delays Culcairn cropsJosh Kleine, Luke Dowell, Steve Hallam and Brenton Morey are celebrating their 18th Birthdays with a piss up, so on the 27th September come and get shit faced at josh’s (25 Third Ave. Henty) rock up after 7 with your swags and spirits (2 kegs provided)Richmond, Collingwood merger talk, TIGERWOODS set to dominate the AFLNathan and Adam Roden are roumered to contain some brainsDean Gardiner confirms using Kiri Last to get to her motherRoden breaks Budgies legRoden inflicts injury upon someoneAnother injury caused by RodenHenty in shock after Ernie retires prematurelyWayne Styles punches whole in coaches boxBill trys to be like StylesAnother injury caused by RodenOf the (1) people surveyed 100% believe that Grant Forrest is GayGrass Monkeys poll finds that 67% of Grass Monkeys website is bullshitMax Frickle recently failed in his world record attemt to jump over 225 Aboriginals in a steamrollerCarlton Suck!Of the (298476) people serveyed 97% think Gloria Dittko is hot!Holbrook take it up the arse

WHITE DELISTED

TRANSFER TALKS

The Grass Monkeys have delisted male tennis player Shane White, who failed to play a match in his debut season.

White, was selected by himself to represent the Grass Monkeys early last season and was seen as an expensive pick-up.

But Grass Monkeys President, Josh Kleine said that White had failed to meet certain requirements endorsed by the club and was subsequently delisted.

“There were some issues between Shane and the club moving forward,” Kleine said.

“We’ve got certain levels that we need to ensure our players are at and I guess Shane didn’t quite reach that and we reluctantly put him off our list.”

Asked if it was disciplinary reasons or a lack of fitness, Kleine said: “Shane (White) and the match committee have made the decision. There are certain levels you require from your players and Shane hasn’t reached them, but from our point-of-view, I am sure there will be other opportunities for him.”

“I suppose when we look at our list, we’ve got James (Dittko), Justin (Stroh), and Myself in the side, there isn't really much room for another male of Shane's calibre. Pugs (Jarod Phelan) would even get a run before Shane.”

“It was a range of issues, but the specifics should stay between Shane and the club.”

White is believed to have already attracted the interest of other clubs, who will be seeking another emergency for their emergencies.

By Gobbles

The odds on Joel Klemke leaving the Grass Monkeys shortened dramatically on Saturday when the club confirmed they were discussing his future with potential buyers.

In a statement that made it clear the Grass Monkeys are contemplating selling their most marketable asset, president Josh Kleine said Klemke's representatives were also engaged in talks about a move to Willo’s team.

"The Grass Monkeys can confirm today that Willo has expressed a firm interest in signing Joel Klemke," the statement, posted on the club's website, said.

"Joel's advisers, HSSPMC (Henty Sport Star Player Management Corporation), have also been approached by other clubs independently and we are in regular and close contact with them regarding the status of those discussions, which are ongoing.”

Saturday's statement follows months of speculation over Klemke's future with Willo reportedly interested in signing the star for a fee in the region of $AU15.6 million.

Willo formally denied making an approach for Klemke in April. But speculation about his intentions has been revived this week and there have been reports that he could be prepared to hand over Damien Maloney as part of the deal.

Although Maloney would be regarded by most night tennis experts as a more valuable asset than Klemke on the court, he cannot compete with Klemke's status as arguably the most marketable athlete on the planet.

But any deal with Willo would be complicated by Klemke's personal contract with the Grass Monkeys major sponsor, Tripod.

Willo is backed by Net Firms, Tripod's main rivals in the internet domain market.

Klemke insisted in early May that he wants to stay at the Grass Monkeys and his representatives have denied initiating a move away from the club.

Financial considerations also appear to be driving the Grass Monkeys towards a sale.

Kleine is determined to bring the Henty Night Tennis Cup to the club for the first time and knows that, in a depressed transfer market, the money raised by selling Klemke could fund the purchase of three or more players who could help realise that goal.

By Gobbles

RAIN DELAYS CROP

Culcairn potheads are delighted their crops have been drenched with rain after dreading another season of carting expensive water to them.

Speaking yesterday, via satellite from his secret stash a local Culcairnian said that this was the first time in four years he had seen water laying in the table drains surrounding his stash.

A major supplier of grass to the region, the man said that about 125mm of rain had fallen across his crops in the past two weeks.

He said while the downpour meant holding off on harvesting for a day or two, the rain was a blessing.

"The main thing for us is that the rain is starting to fill the catchments because irrigation water is vital to our usage" the Culcairnian said "Last season we were paying up to $250 per megalitre for temporary water and with the profits we make, you just can't afford that."

"What we paid in water last year was just enough to keep our crops and our business. We have to show we are reliable otherwise the bigger suppliers will just overtake our sales."

While concerned about the amount of recent rain Another Culcairnian said it was difficult to know whether his water-laden crops would be okay.

"It's definitely too much rain in such a short time but we are thankful for it" Mr Culcairnian said. "You don't count your crops until they are bagged and set to hit the streets, and you don't know know if the crop will be affected until you harvest it". Mr Culcairnian said that he was hopeful that his crop would hit the street within a couple of weeks.

By Gobbles

This site was last updated by Gobbles on Friday, 12 September 2003

*No content on this site is intended to harm or offend anyone. Every thing is all done for fun, and the majority of the stories are fictional and not meant to be offensive. RIP IT UP!, to the max, and keep it pumpin'.